New Blog, New Focus

January 18, 2013

Sometimes it feels as though at least six of the nineteen years I spent in school went down the tubes after giving birth. I would really like to keep up with this blog (well, actually, create a new one), but you are going to have to forgive my writing skills if you are going to read this. Somehow, once I started raising my babies, my beautiful wonderful babies, my concentration went out the window. My ability to complete a thought that both makes sense and has a wonderful flow to it is gone. I want to write. I want to express meaningful ideas, but it frustrates me something horrible when I read something I wrote, and it sounds as though all the student loans my husband is now paying off were for nothing.

I think that part of my inability to organize my thoughts is due to not being subject to the organization that school forced on me. Even in college and grad school, with a flexible schedule, there were due dates. There were tests. There were discussions I was expected to take part in. After grad school, I worked in a school, which also forced me to have some sort of organization to my life. There was a set schedule. Even if my papers were all over the place, my notes were crazy, at some point, in order to achieve my goals at school, I had to stay somewhat organized.

That brings me to another point. Goals. In school, and at work, I had goals. In school I aspired to achieve certain grades, to obtain various degrees or licenses. At work, I had continuing education goals and goals for the children I worked with. Writing down personal goals was encouraged, and, of course, writing down and meeting in regards to goals for the children was required.

And so that’s the thing. As a person, I am NOT naturally organized or goal oriented. I am the opposite. I am messy. I am an unorganized multi-tasker. I have anxiety. And, I think I’ve discovered that I am a little bit lazy when this organization and goal-setting is not forced upon me!!!

Don’t get me wrong, when it comes to taking care of my babies (Big Boy and Little Boy), I am quite capable. They are certainly not in any danger of their needs not being cared for. In fact, sometimes my unorganized nature and messy nature is an asset to my job as a stay-at-home mom. I’m not freaking about about neatness. I’m flexible when it comes to the tantrums and breakdowns of three and one year olds. As a mom there has to be some degree of being able to just stop doing whatever you are doing and say “Ok, this day…or month…or year is not going to go quite the way I thought.”

As helpful as those attributes (or, should I say lack of) may be though, I’m at a point where this sort of fluttering about is contributing to a great deal of anxiety. I need some organization. I need some goals. I need direction!!!!

So, it’s time to start making some goals. Time to start taking just a little bit of control of life, both for myself and my family.

Right now I’m in the idea stage. I need to pick and choose, as too many and unreachable goals will result in ungoodness for me and others. I want to use this blog to develop goals, long term and short term, and to develop a game plan to reach those goals. And, of course, I want to try to keep some accountability when it comes to my effort to achieve those goals. So, here goes. Even though I don’t make them that often, I enjoy lists, so, that’s how I’ll start.

Help Big Boy memorize some sight words
Help Little Boy learn his colors
Start working out once per week for 40 minutes
Limit coffee to every other day (and, obviously, only an occasional Startbucks- I’ve only been drinking it about once a week or less- other days it’s 7-11)
Cook dinner twice a week (as in, a fresh dinner versus warming up leftovers or sandwiches).
Read a book club book

Help Big Boy start learning to read
Help Little Boy recognize shapes/numbers/colors/uppercase letters
Work out three times per week for 30-40 minutes
Limit coffee to once or twice a week
Cook dinner 3 times a week
Move Big Boy and Little Boy into same room and create separate play room.

In the grand scheme of the world and it’s problems and achievements, these goals are probably pretty lame. In my little corner of the world though, this is the school of my life.


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