Day 5

July 27, 2012

Today, other than a whole milk for Big and Little Boy and a banana, was Starbucks free. It was not sugary coffee drink free though.

There was a playdate today at a fro-yo shop that is currently featuring frozen coffee chillers for $1 for a limited time. Well, when I heard about the offer, I looked up the shop and took a look at their ingredients online. The GOOD thing- no weird stuff in them. It has a fro-yo base with coffee and actual sugar. the BAD thing- still at least TWICE the daily recommended amount of sugar.

To be honest, I didn’t really enjoy it that much. Even though the ingredients appear to be pretty natural (to my knowledge, which isn’t saying much given that I’ve been drinking a drink with carcinogens unknowingly for the past three years), it tasted a little…fake? Maybe it’s because fro yo always tastes like a bit of an imposter. Or MAYBE my taste buds are actually changing? It actually tasted a little bit too sweet to me.

MORE importantly, I enjoyed the company and just had a nice time enjoying the treat with others.

It seems so odd though, that I much prefer the taste of Starbucks, which is much worse when it comes to dangerous ingredients. Why is that? And why is the FDA approving all this stuff when there is pretty good evidence that many of these ingredients are so dangerous? Why would ingredients be legal to use when they have to be labeled as a carcinogens in at least one state? I don’t get it!

Tomorrow, back to my own concoction. Much less sugar and even cheaper than $1!

First order of business- no Starbucks today. I did make my own concoction with less than half the amount of sugar.

But to be honest, Mr. Java chip hasn’t really been on my mind today. I had a kind of important doctor appointment today, and though I didn’t find out much or get many answers, it has me a little nervous.

I’ve had a variety of symptoms lately that most of my followers know about anyway. Recently they include chills (in 95 degree weather), more prominent stomach pains and, it seems anyway, a lack of appetite. It’s hard to measure the last, as I HAVE to eat or I wouldn’t have energy to care for my boys, so I do. Lately though, frosted animal cookies, which I would have devoured a box of in a couple of days a month or so ago, have been sitting out disappearing two or three animals by day (eaten by Big Boy). I’m not quite sure if this is a psychological or physical.

One thing I did discover, is that though I do want to continue foregoing the Starbucks, I’m going to need to find a happy medium here. The nerves that built up in regards to my doctor appointment led to feeling faint in the office, which is not uncommon for me. Luckily, I know the signs and could ask them to let me lay down. They took my blood pressure even though I told them I knew it was low and then had me go sit in a recliner for awhile. Of course, they offered juice and a cracker. I received the juice box and took a sip. When I put it down, the nutritional info was facing me. I saw the 22 grams of sugar and thought “If I drink this juice, there will be no room for sugar in my food for the rest of the day!”. With my past, that is a red flag of “all or nothing” thinking. Obviously I can’t go there.

It really is a tricky thing, this eating for your health. It seems like it oughtn’t be. It’s frustrating. It’s upsetting. But I guess it’s life in this age of food ridden with chemicals.

Big Boy usually has my husband lay down with him before he goes to sleep. Tonight he asked me to lay with him. I held him tight and told him how much I love him and what an amazing little boy he is. I listened to his breathing slow down and lifted him into his bed. Those are the kinds of moments that make me think there must be a God and that somehow, despite these health issues, things will be ok.